


It's Not Fine, But It Will Be

by lovelessinmanhattan



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: But mostly fluff, M/M, and Pillow Forts, fluff I think?, scones for simon, soft gay boys who are stressed, with a hint of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelessinmanhattan/pseuds/lovelessinmanhattan
Summary: It’s been a hard week. Especially for Simon.Uni has been stressing him out lately, especially with exams coming up. He’s never taken this many classes before, and though he did well during the year, I know that exams are harder for him and that he gets really worried.I hate seeing him so worked up all the time.He’s always hunched over at the table, curls jutting out wildly in every direction. There are some that fall in his face, so he pushes them out of his way, and keeps taking notes. His hand ends up cramping most of the time, and he falls asleep at the table a few times a week.He’s so exhausted. I know it’s not good for him.I mean, it’s not good for anyone.But it’s definitely not good for Simon.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63
Collections: Carry On Remix





	It's Not Fine, But It Will Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sourcherrymagiks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourcherrymagiks/gifts).
  * Inspired by [It’s Fine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718693) by [Sourcherrymagiks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourcherrymagiks/pseuds/Sourcherrymagiks). 



**BAZ**

It’s been a hard week. Especially for Simon.

Uni has been stressing him out lately, especially with exams coming up. He’s never taken this many classes before, and though he did well during the year, I know that exams are harder for him and that he gets really worried.

I hate seeing him so worked up all the time.

He’s always hunched over at the table, curls jutting out wildly in every direction. There are some that fall in his face, so he pushes them out of his way, and keeps taking notes. His hand ends up cramping most of the time, and he falls asleep at the table a few times a week.

He’s so exhausted. I know it’s not good for him.

I mean, it’s not good for anyone. 

But it’s definitely not good for Simon.

With everything that’s happened to him, I’m worried that he could spiral again, and end up in an even worse place than where he started. I don’t like thinking about it, that it could become a reality at any point in time.

It’s worrying. 

I’m scared for him. I always have been, but ever since everything happened, I’ve been even more frightened about what could happen.

I almost lost him once. I can’t let that happen again. 

I can’t lose him… 

Simon told me he had a week before his next exam, and the poor boy has been revising all day and night. He needs a break, and I plan on making sure he gets one.

I decide to bake scones for him. We have leftover ingredients from the last time we made them, and I know how much he loves them and how they seem to relax him.

It’s not much, but it’s a start. It’s certainly better than nothing.

As I’m pulling ingredients from the cupboard, I start to think of what else might help.

I know he hasn’t been sleeping well. Lately I’ve felt him tossing and turning all throughout the night next to me. He’ll also get out of bed and he won’t come back for hours. And when I check in the morning, he has new notes in his book. 

I don’t know how I can get him to sleep easier, but I want to try. And I think I know how… 

When I was younger and couldn’t sleep at night, my mother would always make a fort for me out of pillows and blankets. I remember it being cosy and warm. She would hold me, and promise to keep me safe from the monsters under my bed. She said that the fort would protect me. I trusted her, and she never let me down.

I want to do the same for Simon.

He deserves the same love that I got when I was younger. He deserves all of it, and more. So much more… 

He deserves the world, and all things good, but I don’t know if I can give him that.

I want to. I’m going to try.

I’m starting now, starting here, with scones and a pillow fort.

The scones are finished by the time Simon gets home.

I watch his shoulders loosen as soon as he walks in the flat, eyes closing as he takes in the scent of scones. He lets his bag fall to the floor, and he wraps his arms around my waist, head resting on my shoulder.

“What’s this for?” he asks, grabbing a scone from the tray.

“I thought it might help with exam stress.”

“I forgot about those,” he groans. “I can’t do it, Baz.”

“I know it feels like that. But you can.”

“I just--”

I interrupt him before he can finish his sentence. 

“It’s fine, darling.”

“It’s not fine,” he says.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“Hey,” I say. “Simon.”

He just looks at me. It breaks my heart.

I take his hand and pull him into the sitting room, and take him in the pillow fort. He brought the tray of scones with him, and all I can do is laugh. 

“You need to take a break, love,” I tell him, pulling a blanket around his shoulders.

“I can’t, Baz. If I stop studying, then I won’t know anything. I’ll fail my exams, and then I won’t graduate or get a job or--”

“ _ Simon _ ,” I say again, pulling him closer to my side. “You’ve been doing really well. And I know that’s hard to believe and see, since it’s you doing it and that’s always difficult to accept and understand. But you need to give yourself more credit. And more importantly, you need to give yourself a break.”

“You make it sound so easy,” he sighs, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders. “It’s hard to believe I’ll ever be good at anything. I was a shitty mage, and I couldn’t even manage to take care of myself.”

“You still need more practise with that,” I tell him. “Everyone does. It takes time and patience. You need to be gentle with yourself, love. You’ll get burned out if you don’t, and then you’ll never do anything you want to.”

“You really think I can do well?” he asks me. “That I can do well even if I don’t study every night?”

“I know you can. You can do anything you put your mind to. As long as you work hard at it, and take time for yourself, you can do anything you want.”

He sighs contentedly, and leans back against me. I press kisses on the top of his hand, and I smile as his hand finds mine under the blanket.

“So, what’s the pillow fort for?” he grins at me.

“For us. For you.”

“For me?”

I nod.

He kisses me. And kisses me. And kisses me.

The scones fall to the floor, forgotten. Simon doesn’t seem to care, though. I don’t care. Nothing matters right now, except for him.

He’s always mattered to me, and he always will.

I’ll do everything to make sure he’s okay, no matter what.

I love him. 

And that will never change. 


End file.
